Dying Matters Week 10 - 16 May 2021
Dying Matters Awareness Week, running from 10 - 16 May 2021, is a chance for people to open up the conversation around death, dying and bereavement.
Where people die is changing. More people than ever are dying at home in recent years, and the pandemic has seen this number leap by tens of thousands.
There is no right or wrong place to die; it will be different for everyone. But it is important for families to think about it, to talk about it and to plan for it. Visit the Dying Matters website here for useful advice and resources.
At Beaumond House Hospice, we want people of all ages to be in a
good place when they die - physically, emotionally and with the right
care in place. Getting there means having some important
conversations and taking some careful decisions.
During Dying Matters Awareness Week, we're opening up the conversation around death, dying and bereavement and asking you to think about what it means to be in a good place to die.
You may wish to think about planning your care and getting to know what services are available near you, contacting Beaumond House for support and guidance.
Planning ahead can mean considering your funeral plans, financial planning such as a Will and Lasting Power of Attorney.
Future wishes and preferences such as where you would wish to be cared for and what would be important to you at the end of life are important to talk about so that your wishes are known and can be followed.
We have talked to our team about their wishes and this is what they said….
My Mum didn’t tell us what she wanted for her funeral arrangements until the final days before she died. It was such a relief that she expressed some wishes and I felt privileged to be able to give her the service she had expressly requested.
My Mum made some specific requests, including that we shouldn’t wear black and some of the music we chose. It meant we were able to give her a final service that I think she would have been very happy with. Whilst I have an overwhelming sense of relief and of peace that we were able to do this for Mum, sadly we will not be able to do it with my Dad. We left it too late for him to be able to say what he wants.
Making the plan together takes away any sense of guilt about may be not doing the right thing for those left behind.
Read Cathy & James's stories below
My Dad was the most generous and kind man I have ever known, he wanted nothing for himself, only to see his family happy he worked his whole life to give us all a wonderful stable and comfortable family life. I now have an overwhelming of sadness that because of the condition he has, he can’t and won’t ever be able to express his wishes and so we won’t be able to give him something which is entirely his wish.
I wish I have been braver and had the conversation when we was able to tell us this. I would urge everyone to have the conversation, make your wishes known, the reassurance and calmness that it can bring are enormous.
After a very long battle with cancer, my mum knew the end was approaching and was very keen to get her affairs in order. Because of her illness many things had been put on pause and she was determined to make sure my dad did not have to deal with anything in the days following her death. Even though it is over 10 years ago, I remember the day vividly. The two of us sat together and ran through all of her finances, insurance, her last will and testament and even the tasks I would need to do such as registering her death. She had particular things she wanted including in her funeral; music, readings and even gave input for the eulogy.
For me this was the hardest conversation I have ever had, it made everything so real and it was the moment I accepted that I would soon lose the most important woman in my life. We both cried a lot, we drank tea and by the end of the afternoon we were both able to smile and even laugh a little. For my mum this conversation was cathartic, in that it enabled her to face the final part of her journey knowing that everything was in hand and that she would get the goodbye she wanted.
When my mum passed away. I found an inner strength I never knew existed; I had been given a mission to ensure that her wishes were fulfilled and this got me through the most difficult period of my life so far. I know this was all part of her plan, making me face the inevitable that afternoon, so I was stronger when the time came and could focus on my family and delivering her wishes.
We all experience emotions differently and there is no easy way to have this type of conversation with our loved ones, but the benefits are really worth it. They bring a sense of peace and relief, for all, at the most difficult of times.
Beaumond House were there with us every step of the way - during and after my Mum's death and for that, we will be forever grateful.